Moving too Fast

Sup lovely people, Cutiejea here!

This month, lots of things are happening... like a lot. AND IT'S HAPPENING TOO FAST!!!

For starters, TATINOF is happening in Australia this August and as admin for Phandom Aus/NZ on Twitter and Tumblr, we got a lot of questions and people literally expect us to answer all the questions. We managed to give the best advice thou.

Also... we made #RowPals a trend for a short time

Another is that I'm about to enter second semester of University so god knows what's gonna happen to me and my future. I saw one of my subjects and I got near credit for it! Which is really cool in my book!

Third is that I got an internship interview and I got accepted to do volunteer cinematographer work for Smash (the Anime convention). And I'm soo excited since I'm about to get some experience... except it's for free (BUT IM GETTING PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE!!!)

So many things are so many going on with my life that it's all happening too fast.

This is really cool but also really scary.

The reason for that is the fact that I'm scared that I may not be ready for all this change. I'm just a kid (well, technically 18 years old so an adult) but I'm going to face my future and adulthood in a really fast pace that it scares me that I may screw up, that I'm doing too many things. I just want things to slow down.

This was me when I got my VIP ticket and I'm still surprised I managed to get one:

People both offline and online think I have potential and that I'm very reliable and stuff and I'm cool with that. People thank me for working late hours and working hard just to get stuff done and I'm happy to do that. But the main question is... when was the last time I had a break?

One of my greatest wishes besides meeting my heroes and passing uni and hopefully moving out (sorry family), is to be able to have a break from everything for at least a week, which never happened. Just one week of doing whatever I want. No Phandom Aus/NZ, no work, no school, no parents nagging... just me and my laptop with internet where I can catch up on whatever I want.

Unfortunately, that's too much to ask and it will never happen. Well, it was close from happening if I was permitted to go to Vidcon 2016. The plan was go to USA for a week for Vidcon and other stuff like sightseeing and stuff. No parents, no chaos, just me and what I have for a 1 week break of life itself.

But I guess that's too much to wish for I guess which I quite understand... since once again, I'm just a kid.

But yeah, I still yearn for that 1 week break from life.

My name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life Out of the Camera

PS: D-3 Section 4!!! (and i accidentally got 2 gold tickets so that means my mum is coming with me!)

Growing Up

Sup guys, Cutiejea here!

So, if you subscribed to my channel or any of my social medias, you may have heard that I'm now officially 18 years old! This basically means I'm an adult in my family and in the Philippines but in Australia, the official adult age is 21 (18 is the legal age but everyone is more inclined to 21 years old being the official adult age).

Here is the video talking about what I've learned in 18 years of existence (Uploaded on my birthday):

So it's been a few days since my time as an adult and I have to say... it kinda boring (but how should I know, it's still my holidays!)

Today's blog thou is about growing up and how there are some parts of your life you tend to keep, move on and decide if it should be part of you or not.

Ever since I reached this point in life, I've been doing a bit of spring cleaning within myself and started doing stuff that I never knew I was capable on doing (I don't <bleeping> care if it's summer). For starters, I've decided to be a total 'girl' and start to buy my own clothes for university, my commitments on learning the ukulele is still growing strong and there are other parts of my life that I've first considered odd for me to do but I did wind up enjoying it (An example is me swimming in the beach where most of the time, I would never enjoy it! Now, as long it's in Bondi, I will consider swimming with a bodyboard).

But there are also parts of me that I feel like letting go. An example this this old website I made. Sure, I may keep it running but I have thoughts of deleting the site and updating around 20 videos, removing the link in the description. Another is my love for gaming. It's not my fault, my laptop can no longer run the games made these days since it's 32 bit!

But even if I feel 'grown up', there will be times where I will act like a kid and it will piss off others since they expect me to be more mature and how can I since my 2 of my role models are like 28 - 29 years old and they act like kids!

I hate that the idea of growing up is for you to be 'very mature' and 'not make any mistakes' or 'be conformed to society' and all that jazz and it annoys me since I still want to goof off! I still want to make silly mistakes that people consider to be 'You cant do that since you're 18!'. Does it look like I give a flying <bleep>?!

I know there will be a time where I will have to let go of being a kid and just grow up but if you do lose your childhood, you will lose the part of you that makes you happy, that tiny part of you that clings you to what made you... well YOU! And this is where doing what you love comes in as if you still have that tiny 1% of your childhood in your life, then you know that you're not becoming a brainless sheep. Yes, there will be times where you will have to let go of things or decide if it should still be part of your life but in the end, whatever you decide will be the cause on how you feel about life in the future.

I end this blog post with a quote from Dan Howell from The Amazing Book is not on Fire 'I guess I just want to say, this thing we've created - is ephemeral*' (Ephemeral = Momentary).

So you guys have the choice if you want to grow up, remain a kid forever or do both! For me, it's both but I also have to mature in order to survive but I still need to retain that part of me that kept me going which is my innocence.

So my name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life Out of the Camera.