The Final Page for Life out of the Camera... for now

Sup guys, Cutiejea here

Today... this shall mark the final page for Life out of the camera, the blog series where I just talk about how I'm feeling in life and stuff. Why? I think it's time to tackle a new theme for my blogging and I think that my YouTube vlogs can continue on the legacy of my talking about my life.

So, what's the new project? You may ask.

Since I'm 18 and met Sheppard, FAS, Mychonny, Evan Edinger and is about to meet Dan and Phil in August, not to mention got noticed by D&P and Slyfoxhound in twitter + tumblr and a bunch of other stuff involving my fave internet stars and musicians, I want to create a new blog series journaling all my fandom experiences, from Club Penguin in 2007 to Phandom + TV Shows of today, I will recap everything that I can remember and create a monthly blog series called 'Confessions of a Fan Girl' which is basically me confessing everything fandom related.

Like what? You ask.

So far, I will write about:

• How I became a fan girl
• What's my general description of a fan girl
• The Unwritten Laws of the phandom
• How to let your senpai notice you

And many others.

And what's going to be interesting about this series is that I will try to write it in an academic paper level. That's right, I  will write (or at least try to) these blog post as if I'm writing something for my university. It's going to be somewhat professional with journal articles that I can get a grab on in my uni's online library + e-resources. So due to this, these post will be long, like 1000+ words long.

So what will happen to life out of the camera?

It will stop for now but it's memory will CARRY ON!!! (Sorry... got MCR stuck in my head). So for now, this is goodbye for my 1 year old baby and time to try writing professionally (or at least a bit professionally).

My name is Cutiejea and this has been the final post for now about my Life out of the Camera.

I want to give up... but I can’t because it’s mandatory.

NOTE: Not naming the company or anything else due to legal reason (and i don't want to be hunted down). And if you are going to take this post down, take down Evan Edinger's Vlog about his failed job interviews first then go talk to me.

Sup guys, Cutiejea here

I'm now at an all time low now (Not referencing the band... I'm just feeling upset). Why you may ask. I just now realised that my dreams and goals are probably never ever gonna come true and if it did... well, I may have to leave the country or something. IDK... I'm just feeling a bit negative.

You see, last month, I posted how time was moving really fast for me since I have internship interview and I'm about to reach second semester of university and stuff like that but life decided to press the breaks for me and I didn't get the internship... or even get interviewed for that matter.

Yes, the company that wanted to interview me... they canceled 1 HOUR before the interview. Why? Because at 1:25, the person saw me with my dad and thought 'oh she doesn't look independent, let's cancel on her!' (BTW, my interview starts at 3pm). So at 2pm when I'm at KFC with my dad and brother, I got a text and call saying that they found someone already. My dad thought it was not fair that he decided to text the company.

That's when we discovered that it was because he came with me when WE WERE FINDING OUT WHERE IT WAS!!! It's not like my dad will enter with me, we we're just finding out where it was.

From that point, I felt too upset to do things. I was at my part-time job and I got extra shifts due to people quitting and one is a co-worker who is gonna have a part time job in a finance company (which accommodates to her course). I have a uni classmate who also got a part time job. And my cousin got an internship in a hospital since it's part of his course.

I guess everyone is getting long term paid/beneficial experiences while for me, I'm stuck doing volunteer work which I don't mind doing but I can't just be doing volunteer work forever.
What’s worse is that Internships are mandatory in my university so I fear I can’t graduate due to this.

If I compare my life with my cousins and the people around me who are at the same age as me, it shows that I'm way left behind... like way back. My channel isn't getting anywhere, no one wants to accept me (and I applied to nearly 30 jobs) and by this point, I feel like giving up.

I don't want to give up thou since I love doing what I do but I'm 18, I need to get paid or at least have long-term experience based on my skills, not picking up small scraps of jobs that I can grab.

I was warned that there is not many position in the industry that I want to enter and I convinced myself that I can still do it. That's why I made my channel, to prove my worth. I made videos using 2 giant pieces of cloth bought from Lincraft. I own a DLSR camera since I know it's one step closer to good quality content but at the same time, I can't afford the programs they expect me to use. I can't afford AVID, I have absolutely no idea how to use After Effects and Wordpress is still a giant issue for me. I want to learn these things but I can't access the free membership in Linda.com.

So I'm still lost.

I feel that my passions should just be forgotten and that I should let them go. I mean, they want other people but me, besides the fact that I create amazing things out of my ipad, made a hashtag trend of a short time and stuff like that.

I just wish there is just someone out there who saw my stuff and is willing to lend me a hand or a job or a recommendation or something. But until then, I just have to keep applying to these jobs who wants someone else for the role.

And if I do get the interview, I have to get used to wearing a stupid skirt and boots just too look appealing, only to get rejected for stupid reasons.

My name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life out of the Camera.

Moving too Fast

Sup lovely people, Cutiejea here!

This month, lots of things are happening... like a lot. AND IT'S HAPPENING TOO FAST!!!

For starters, TATINOF is happening in Australia this August and as admin for Phandom Aus/NZ on Twitter and Tumblr, we got a lot of questions and people literally expect us to answer all the questions. We managed to give the best advice thou.

Also... we made #RowPals a trend for a short time

Another is that I'm about to enter second semester of University so god knows what's gonna happen to me and my future. I saw one of my subjects and I got near credit for it! Which is really cool in my book!

Third is that I got an internship interview and I got accepted to do volunteer cinematographer work for Smash (the Anime convention). And I'm soo excited since I'm about to get some experience... except it's for free (BUT IM GETTING PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE!!!)

So many things are so many going on with my life that it's all happening too fast.

This is really cool but also really scary.

The reason for that is the fact that I'm scared that I may not be ready for all this change. I'm just a kid (well, technically 18 years old so an adult) but I'm going to face my future and adulthood in a really fast pace that it scares me that I may screw up, that I'm doing too many things. I just want things to slow down.

This was me when I got my VIP ticket and I'm still surprised I managed to get one:

People both offline and online think I have potential and that I'm very reliable and stuff and I'm cool with that. People thank me for working late hours and working hard just to get stuff done and I'm happy to do that. But the main question is... when was the last time I had a break?

One of my greatest wishes besides meeting my heroes and passing uni and hopefully moving out (sorry family), is to be able to have a break from everything for at least a week, which never happened. Just one week of doing whatever I want. No Phandom Aus/NZ, no work, no school, no parents nagging... just me and my laptop with internet where I can catch up on whatever I want.

Unfortunately, that's too much to ask and it will never happen. Well, it was close from happening if I was permitted to go to Vidcon 2016. The plan was go to USA for a week for Vidcon and other stuff like sightseeing and stuff. No parents, no chaos, just me and what I have for a 1 week break of life itself.

But I guess that's too much to wish for I guess which I quite understand... since once again, I'm just a kid.

But yeah, I still yearn for that 1 week break from life.

My name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life Out of the Camera

PS: D-3 Section 4!!! (and i accidentally got 2 gold tickets so that means my mum is coming with me!)